


Fortes

by Slenderlock



Series: Cacoethes [3]
Category: Night at the Museum (2006 2009)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Post NATM 2, Pre NATM 3, basically toy story/honey I shrunk the kids, it's so sappy you guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 18:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3420545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slenderlock/pseuds/Slenderlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a child accidentally brings a tiny plastic cowboy back home from the museum, Octavius and Jedediah have to race against time to make it back before sunrise. </p><p>  <em>Larry looked back at the cowboys. “Well, where’d he go?”</em></p><p>  <em>“Didn’t say,” another one said, shrugging. “He just left.” </em></p><p>  <em> “Oh, great. That’s just-” Larry looked out the window at the horizon, which was brightening by the second. “He’ll die out there,” he said to himself. “He- why would he do that?”</em> </p><p>  <em>“Octavius? Said he had to find ol’ Jedediah,” the first cowboy that had spoken said, shaking his head. “Sorta sweet, ain’t it?”</em> </p><p>This story is set in the same universe as my previous NATM story, <b><a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3404519">Cacoethes</a></b>, but can also be read as a stand-alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fortes

Jedediah liked silence.

It wasn’t something he advertised- people usually went for the louder types of leaders, the ones that led the charges into battle and regaled everyone with fantastic stories- not the ones that spent hours without talking, just thinking to themselves; the ones that liked to walk on their own in the dark, away from everyone.

And besides. If word got out that he spent half of the museum nights wandering the hallways alone, then he’d never get another moment’s rest without someone asking to tag along or nag about his safety.

No, it was much better to keep it a secret.

Well, mostly a secret.

“On any other night I’d join you.”

“It’s fine.”

“They’ve been getting restless- and my second in command needs to tell the council my orders.”

“I said it’s fine, Octy.”

“Tomorrow night, I promise.”

Jedediah just smiled at Octavius, who was fiddling with his helmet sheepishly. “Really, I don’t mind. I like being alone.”

“Yes, well, I don’t. Like you being alone, that is.” Octavius frowned disapprovingly. “What if you’re stepped on? What if you can’t make it back here before sunrise? This place is far too big for anyone to find you if they didn’t know where to look.”

“Yeesh, you’re a worrywart today.” Jedediah pressed a kiss to Octavius’s nose. “I’ll be fine.”

“At least tell me where you plan on going,” Octavius pleaded, trying to keep as much dignity as he could while having just been kissed on the nose. It was a difficult task.

“Not how it works, Octy. I go where I want.” Jedediah shrugged. At Octavius’s ‘please’ face, he sighed. “But all right. Just for you, I’ll plan it out. I’ll be back, though, I promise.”

“Hmm.” Octavius looked satisfied at that.

“Well, let’s see.” Jedediah thought for a moment about the layout of the building. “Suppose I’ll start off goin’ down the stairs, then I might head over, see how Lewis and Clark are getting along.”

“Not might,” Octavius reminded him. “ _Will._ ”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jedediah waved his concern away. “I will. Then I guess I’ll go to the marine place. Not touchin’ that African wildlife exhibit, though.”

“Hm. Fair enough.” Octavius nodded. “But I expect you back here five minutes before sunrise.”

“You’re a regular little mother hen, ain’t ‘cha?” Jedediah teased. “Fine, have it your way. I’ll be back here with time to spare, you bet your little britches.”

“You’d better hurry off, then,” Octavius advised. “Or else you’ll run out of time.”

“All right, all right.” Jedediah turned to go, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. “What now?”

“You forgot something.” Octavius was holding up his hat. Jedediah’s hands flew to his head.

“Hey, how’d you- gimme that back!” He snatched for the hat and Octavius seized his opportunity, pulling him in for a kiss. Jedediah whacked him on the back with his hat, smiling against his lips even as he did so.

“Enjoy your walk,” Octavius said, as they parted.

“You conniving little- oh, you _bet_ I’m going to.”

o0O0o

Stairs.

Right.

They were a bit… vertical for Jedediah’s taste.

It took him longer than he’d anticipated to climb down the stairs and into the main hall, so he hurried on his way to Sagagawea’s room. As he’d anticipated, she was off with Teddy- they made a rather sweet couple, he had to admit- but Lewis and Clark were still arguing over their map.

As Sacagawea and Teddy liked to ride together around the museum most nights, it was only natural that the broken pane of glass was replaced by a sliding one, so that they wouldn’t have to wait for Gigantor to open it every night.

That being said, Lewis and Clark were still clueless enough not to so much as look up from their map and realize that they weren’t, in fact, in the middle of a forest.

As Sacagawea was gone, Lewis and Clark were on their own. Curious, Jedediah crawled up into the case and onto one of their shoes.

“Hey, fellas,” he called, but they didn’t appear to hear him. He frowned. “Fellas!”

The blonde one dressed in all brown finally looked down.

“William,” he said, staring directly down at Jedediah. “William, look at this.”

“Meriwether, please, I’m trying to concentrate here,” the man who had to be William snapped, frowning down at the map. “According to this, we’re supposed to be near the mouth of a river- but I don’t see any sources of water nearby.”

“No, no, William, I think I’ve discovered a new form of life,” Meriwether- Jedediah resisted the urge to laugh at that frankly ridiculous name- insisted, reaching down.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Jedediah yelled as he was hoisted into the air. “No picking up the cowboy, you hear me?”

“Say, what’s that?” William looked over from the map as Jedediah yelled.

“I don’t know, but it appears to know English.”

“Well, of course I know English.” Jedediah squirmed underneath the man’s fingers. “I’m all American.”

“It’s not a savage,” Meriwether noted. “Though it speaks in a most peculiar accent.”

“Jedediah Smith, at your service- now put me _down,_ ” Jedediah greeted, wondering how much it would hurt if he wriggled out of his jacket and onto the ground.

Meriwether held his hand out flat and set Jedediah on top of it.

“It is… very curious to meet you,” William said, and Jedediah shrugged, looking at the faded paper in his hands.

“I couldn’t help but notice you two were having some trouble with that map…”

o0O0o

Jedediah was late.

Of course he was. Octavius hadn’t really expected anything else. He knew the cowboy was anything but punctual.

But he also knew Jedediah was anything but untrustworthy. Octavius had expected him to come back, as he’d promised- even if he made it to the last minute.

o0O0o

For two normally silent members of the museum, Lewis and Clark sure talked a lot. And very loudly.

They seemed to be more interested in arguing against themselves rather than inspecting the actual evidence around them or even asking why they were behind a giant sheet of glass inside a museum.

“No, no- look, you don’t understand. That’s not even a forest.”

“Of course it is,” William- William Clark, Jedediah learned, after a rather heated moment in which he’d accidentally spoken the words “Meriwether Clark”- scowled down at Jedediah, who was still held in Meriwether’s palm. “Or can’t you see the forest for the trees?”

“No, it’s _literally_ not a forest. Those ain’t even real trees.”

“And how would you know of trees, little cow-man?”

“I told you, it’s cow _boy._ An’ I’ve seen trees.”

“But how can you have, if you truly live in the sand as you say?”

“I live in a- oh, forget it. You two are beyond help.” Jedediah folded his arms. “Put me down.”

“Was that an insult?” Clark asked, affronted. “Meriwether, it insulted us!”

“I _said,_ put me down!”

“You’re right, William, I think it did.”

“Hey, I’m right here- watch it!” Lewis’s fingers pinched his jacket once more and he found himself dangling over thin air. “Hey, I said no manhandling!”

“Not so fast, little cow-man.”

“ _Cowboy._ ”

“Meriwether, look, it’s getting angry.”

“Isn’t it? I think that’s rather cute.”

_“I ain’t cute!”_

The familiar bell rang, interrupting Lewis and Clark’s conversation and reminding the museum that they had one minute until dawn arrived. Which meant that Jedediah had sixty seconds to be back at the Miniatures Room or else he’d never hear the end of it from Octy.

Desperate now, he kicked up against Meriwether’s fingers, and fell to the ground with a _thud._ The impact was just as painful as he’d anticipated, but he managed to make it to his feet and out of the glass case, just as Sacagawea was walking into the room.

Jedediah raced back down the hallway towards the stairs. How on _earth_ he was going to get up those things in less than a minute, he had no idea, but he had to try.

In the end, he managed to climb up two of the stairs before realizing that he wasn’t going to make it. There was only one thing he could do now; he had to hide. After sprinting across the marbled museum floors for a few seconds, he decided he didn’t have time to find anyplace safe. He made it as far as a visitor’s bench before the building began to flood with light and he knew he was truly out of time. Desperate, he ducked underneath the bench and tucked into the corner behind one of the legs. He’d just have to wait out the day and hope no one found him.

He’d be fine.

o0O0o

Octavius was worried, now.

When the last minute began to tick by and Jedediah still hadn’t returned, Octavius began pacing back and forth through the diorama. He _knew_ he should have gone with his cowboy, damn it- now he was stuck out there, probably about to turn to plastic in the middle of some hallway, just waiting to be stepped on. And what if something had happened to him? What if some stray animal had run loose and trampled him? Or worse, eaten him? Half the animals in that African exhibit were carnivores, after all.

But as the last few seconds before dawn ticked away, Octavius could do nothing but stand in place and hope to god that no harm came to his cowboy.

o0O0o

Mary Shelton, age eleven, was bored out of her mind.

Why couldn’t they have gone out for ice cream? Why couldn’t they have gone to the movies? Why couldn’t they have gone _anywhere but here?_

“You ready to check out the African mammals exhibit?” her mother cooed, handing her a map of the museum. “It’ll be just like the zoo, come on.”

Mary tossed the map into the next waste bin she found, scowling thoroughly as her mother trotted her through the hallways.

o0O0o

“Are you insane?”

“Please, sir, I just-”

“Close the _whole museum_ to look for one miniature that went missing?”

“Look, someone might have stolen him, there might be some clues or something, you know. That’d help us find him.”

“No one in their right mind would break into this museum and steal _one miniature cowboy figure._ Do you know how many valuables are in this place?”

“We’ve got to find him- someone might step on him, he could-”

“I’ve heard enough of this.” Dr. McPhee shook his head. “Look, you probably bumped it off when you were cleaning. It’ll be swept in the trash by now.”

“Sir, you can’t-”

“I am not closing down this museum on a Sunday afternoon to look for one bloody miniature, you hear me?”

 “Yes, sir.”

“Now. Get back to. Well, you’re not exactly being the night guard now, are you?” Dr. McPhee laughed. “Since it’s day.” Larry blinked. “Guarding, right. Get back to that.”

Larry sighed. “Yes, sir.”

o0O0o

“Mum, I’m tired.”

“You what?”

“I’m _tired,_ mum. My feet hurt.”

“Oh.” Mary’s mother frowned.

 “I’m hungry,” Mary whined. “Let’s go get lunch?”

“The museum hasn’t got a restaurant, dear,” Mary’s mother reminded her. “All right, we’ll go for lunch.”

“Really?”

“Right after we take a quick peek in the Egyptian section- did you know they’ve got a real mummy in there?”

“My feet hurt,” Mary repeated, looking longingly over at one of the benches. “And I’m hungry, mum.”

“Then you can sit there and wait ‘till mommy’s done. I’ll just be ten minutes, promise.”

“Kay!” Merrily, Mary skipped over to the bench and sat down, taking the weight off her feet for the first time in hours. She leaned back against the wall and yawned. Museums were boring. Nothing but boring stuff for boring people to look at and say boring things about. She’d never know why her mother found all of this stuff interesting. None of it even _moved._

She rolled over onto her stomach and draped her head over the edge of the bench, trying to find a way to pass the time before her mother returned.

Oh, hello. What was this?

Ignoring the warning shrieks no doubt her mother would be giving her if she knew Mary was grabbing at things underneath benches- good god, the germs, do you have Any Idea how sick you could get, let’s go wash your hands right away- she grabbed the tiny toy from behind the leg of the bench and held it up for a closer inspection.

It was a cowboy.

o0O0o

Maybe security camera footage would have something?

Larry sifted through hours of videotapes, knowing that even if Jed had happened to walk past one of them, there was little chance of him even showing up on the feed. Nothing showed up- or at least, nothing he could find.

The museum was huge; how on earth was he going to find one tiny miniature that had happened to wander off?

And what about Octavius? Those two were inseparable- he hardly ever saw Jed without Octavius, let alone vice versa. So what did it mean that Octavius was perfectly in place but Jedediah was missing? Did Octavius even know? Perhaps he didn’t. And Larry would have to be the one to break it to him that his friend was gone.

Well, whatever the case, he’d have to talk to the Roman that night. But until then, all he could do was search the floors in the vain hope that he might find Jed.

o0O0o

Twenty minutes passed before Mary’s mother returned from the Egyptian section. Mary stuffed the cowboy figure in her pocket before her mother could see it, getting to her feet.

“Lunch?” she asked.

“Oh, sweetheart. Mommy’s tired. Let’s go home.”

“But you said we’d go out for lunch,” Mary protested, as she followed her mother to the exit.

“We have food at home. You can have lunch there,” her mother said, sweetly. “Come on, sweetie- oh!” Her mother was thrown to the side as a man in uniform collided into her, and fell to the ground.

“Ah- sorry, miss,” the man said, getting to his feet clumsily. The flashlight by his side knocked against the ground loudly and he grabbed it, hooking the thing to his belt. “I was just looking for something.”

“You should be,” Mary’s mother snapped. “Next time, watch where you’re going, sir.”

“Yes, of course.” The man nodded. “Sorry again, ma’am. Just. In a hurry.”

And he sped off again.

As her mother led her to the doorway and they headed to the car, Mary clutched the cowboy in her pocket.

o0O0o

Not by the Egypt exhibit, then.

He couldn’t have gone far. Considering his size, there was only so long he could have traveled through the museum, given the time they had.

After hours of lost searching, the sun finally sank below the horizon, and he made his way to the miniatures room, as though he were going to lock it up.

As soon as the doors were closed, he made a beeline for the Roman diorama.

o0O0o

Oh, thank the gods. Someone who could help.

“Octavius, listen-”

“Have you found him?” Otavius asked, before Larry could even complete the question. Stood atop the Roman tower so he could be as close to eye-to-eye as was possible, Octavius addressed the Night Guard.

“So you know he’s gone,” Larry finished, sighing. “Great. Well, I guess that’s one weight off my chest.”

“He promised to return well before sunrise, but quite obviously he did not,” Octavius said, ignoring Larry’s words and looking sadly at the sandy diorama. “I feared something like this might happen.”

“You did?”

“Yes. I believe I can help, though only to some extent.”

“Anything you got.”

“His plan- as far as he told me- was to head down the stairs, through the Lewis and Clark room, and to the marine section,” Octavius recited. “But Jupiter knows where he’s gone now.”

“We’ll find him,” Larry promised. “Here, come with me.”

Pocket riding had never been Octavius’s favorite mode of transportation- despite how much Jedediah seemed to love it- but they made it to the back rooms with little trouble. When they finally reached the monitors, Larry set Octavius on his shoulder to watch.

“Okay. You said he went to the stairs first?”

“Yes, and then to Lewis and Clark…”

It took them nearly ten minutes to sift through the footage until they even found the correct time. And Octavius was more than aware that every moment they spent working made the chance of finding his cowboy even slimmer.

Thankfully, it appeared Jedediah had made good on his promise to visit Lewis and Clark, and they found him relatively easily.

The footage ran straight through until that morning, where it became all too obvious what had happened to Jedediah.

“Damn it,” Larry growled, seeing the child stuff what was undoubtedly Jedediah into her pocket and leaving. He watched himself crash into the child’s mother, and _damn it_ he’d been so close.

“We must rescue him,” Octavius announced, as the tape rolled over more footage of passerby. He hopped from Larry’s shoulder onto the table and began pacing manically. “I’ll assemble a team-”

“We can’t,” Larry said, shaking his head. “I’ve got no idea who those people even were. How are we supposed to find their house?”

“We can still try,” Octavius said, never one to give up hope.

“We’ll see if they come back tomorrow, all right?” Larry offered. “Until then, there’s nothing I can do.”

“There is always something one can do.” Octavius pouted. Stars alive, why had he ever agreed to let Jedediah wander off alone? He wanted to murder the council for keeping him from his cowboy. If only he’d insisted on going with him…

“Well, think of it like this,” Larry said, setting Octavius down on the counter. “At least he’s safe, right? Not being stepped on.”

“Or eaten,” Octavius agreed. “Yes, I suppose there is some good in this.”

Larry looked down at the miniature Roman with pity.

“We’ll find him, Octavius,” he said, shutting down the monitors. “We’ll find him.”

o0O0o

“All right, Mary, time to get ready for bed,” Mary’s mother sang from the doorway. Mary, who had been looking over her spoils of the day, groaned.

“But mum, I’m not even tired. It’s not even dark out!”

“You’re exhausted from spending all that time learning at the museum, darling, of course you’re tired.” Mary’s mother smiled sweetly. “Now, come on. Into your pajamas- what on earth is that?”

Mary had the grubby little cowboy in her hand. She closed her fist and stuffed it in her lap.

“Nothing.”

“Mary, let me see that,” Mary’s mother commanded. “Now.”

“No, he’s mine.” Mary shook her head, holding the toy tighter.

“Mary, give that to me.” Mary’s mother held out her hand.

Scowling, Mary brought out the cowboy and handed it over. Mary’s mother looked at it closely.

“Did you take this from the museum?” she demanded. “Mary, that’s stealing.”

“No!” Mary shook her head. “He was just lying on the floor, someone mustsa dropped him or something.”

“Mary, what did we say about picking things up off the ground?”

Mary sighed. “Not to do it.”

“Exactly.” Mary looked at the tiny cowboy in disgust. “I’m going to throw this away.”

“No!” Mary reached for the cowboy but her mother held it away. “Wait, but-”

“No ‘but’s, Mary.” Her mother shook her head. “Now, put your pajamas on and get ready for bed. You’ve got school in the morning, remember? And six thirty comes awfully early in the morning. You don’t want to miss your bus, do you?”

Mary crossed her arms and pouted, not giving her mother an answer.

“Night, darling, don’t forget to brush your teeth. And wash your hands; you have no idea where this thing’s been.”

With that, Mary’s mother closed the door.

She headed into the kitchen and dropped the tiny figurine into the trash bin. The museum wouldn’t miss it, surely.

o0O0o

Jedediah woke with a start.

Three things, he realized, were odd. The first being that he was most certainly _not_ underneath the bench he’d climbed under, mere seconds ago. The second being that  he was sitting inside of something that felt quite soft and uncomfortable, as a stark contrast to either the coarse sand of his diorama or the slick marble of the museum floors. And the third being that if the first two things were true, that meant he wasn’t at the museum anymore.

So. How was he still alive?

“Oh, stars alive,” he whispered. “I must be close enough to that magic pad after all.”

Thank the heavens, he had a chance. If he was close enough to the museum that the magic of the tablet was still affecting him, then he had a decent chance at getting back to that place before dawn.

He couldn’t see anything except his own body- whatever it was that was surrounding him was pitch black. So he had to be in some sort of bag, or box. He took a few cautious steps forward, and fell onto his face. Whatever this was, it wasn’t on solid ground. He wriggled his legs, but they wouldn’t budge-

_-and he was reminded of being suspended in the hourglass, legs working furiously, only managing to sink himself deeper and deeper into the grains-_

No, no. He wasn’t there anymore. Jedediah took a deep breath, rooting himself back in the present.

He was stuck somewhere, surrounded in blackness, and he had no idea what to do.

Desperate, he began waving his arms. His right hand hit something smooth and stretchy, and he pushed forward. It stretched again, giving a grunt. Again, the smooth thing stretched.

Curious, he twisted his body so that he was facing the stretchy thing, and pushed with both hands this time. The thing stretched forward- and stayed there.

A bag, he realized. He was in a bag.

Spurred on by this new information. Jedediah tugged one of his guns from his holster and shoved it into the plastic. With a _pop,_ it broke, and he tugged the opening wider before squirming out of the bag and onto the pavement below.

How his hat managed to stay on in all the excitement, he’d never know.

o0O0o

No. He could not allow this.

Jedediah needed help- and Octavius seemed to be the only one willing to give it to him. The Night Guard certainly didn’t seem like he was going to offer any advice, let alone actual assistance.

So it was up to Octavius.

He found their model plane tucked inside the mountain, in the sandy diorama that his cowboy usually resided in during the day.

“Heya, Octavius,” one of the cowboys greeted, walking up to where he was fishing the plane out of the mountain. “Need any help?”

“That would be marvelous.” Octavius shifted over to give the cowboy some room, so they were both tugging on the tail of the plane. “Sorry, I don’t recall your name.”

“Oh, I’m Angus,” the cowboy greeted, taking hold of the tail and pulling. The plane shifted under both of their efforts, slowly beginning to roll out from behind the mountain. “Ain’t too hard to forget your name, though, partner.”

“I should think not.” Octavius smiled smugly.

“And lord knows we hear it enough.” Angus grinned. “Octavius this, Octavius that. Hell, I reckon he talks about you more now’n he did when you were fightin’ us every night.”

“Indeed?” Octavius’s attention was now split between the plane and this new interesting thread of conversation. He couldn’t pretend he didn’t constantly talk about his cowboy to the rest of his council and the civilians. But to hear that his cowboy talked of _him?_ “How’s that?”

“Never shuts up about ya’, does he?” Angus said, shrugging. The plane was nearly halfway out of the mountain by now- they were losing moonlight, and if the Night Guard caught him, that would be that. And there’d be nothing more he could do.

“If you don’t mind- I need to get this plane out of here before-”

“Say no more.” Angus let go of the plane and put his hands to his mouth. “ _Oi! Hogan! Lance! Samson! Git down here!”_

Octavius heard a few _whoop_ ’s _,_ but saw nothing.

“Can it, Angus,” one voice yelled. “We ain’t blowin’ up anything until ol’ Jedediah gets back.”

“Yeah!” another chimed in. “’Sides, I’mma bout to blast these two to pieces in polker.”

“You are not,” the first voice said, angrily.

“Oi, you two,” a third voice said, running over them both. “Quit your bickering.”

“ _Will you three stop that?_ ” Angus shouted. “Listen, mister _Octavius_ is here and he needs our help.”

“Octo-what now?” the second voice yelled.

“ _Octavius,_ you meathead,” the first voice chided, and there was the sound of leather hitting leather.

“Ow, what was that for?”

“Come on, you two,” the third voice said, getting closer.

Three heads poked up from the mountainside.

“Angus, you said- oh, well, look who it is. Mister Roman general himself.” The first voice, which belonged to a stocky brunette, spoke. “Samson, at yer service, mister.”

“Hogan,” the next cowboy- the third voice- greeted, nodding. He was shorter than the other two, also a brunette, and carried a length of rope at his side, but no guns.

“Lance,” said the second voice. The blonde crossed his arms. “What are we doing, now?”

“Come on, you idiots,” Angus ordered, and Octavius had the feeling that he was second in command behind Jedediah. “Help us get this flying machine outta here.”

With five people- albeit miniatures- it was much easier to get the plane up and out of the mountainside. They propped it up so it was facing the museum room, and Octavius climbed in without hesitation. Usually, Jedediah was the one drivingwhatever mode of transportation they happened upon, whether it was a car or- in this case- a plane, but no matter. Octavius would figure it out. It couldn’t be that hard to fly.

“Thank you all for your kind servitude,” he said, addressing the four cowboys that stood beside him on the mountaintop.

“You goin’ lookin’ for Jedediah?” Samson asked, taking off his hat and pressing it to his chest. The other three did the same- except for Hogan, who didn’t have a hat, so he just pressed his hand.

“Yes.” Octavius nodded. “I will find him or I will die trying.”

“You wouldn’t make a half bad cowboy,” Angus said, smiling knowingly.

And perhaps years ago that would have been an insult. But now? Now, Octavius couldn’t feel any prouder.

“Farewell, then, brothers of Jedediah.”

The plane shot off from the mountaintop, soaring through the Miniatures Room, through the main hallway, and out the topmost window.

o0O0o

God, Octavius was gonna kill him.

As he scrambled up to the topmost branch of what felt like the world’s tallest tree, in order to get a sense of where he was and in what direction he should be headed, Jedediah definitely was _not_ beginning to panic. He still had his rope, he still had his guns. He could get through this; he’d find a way back. He had to.

Aha! There it was. Jedediah could just make out the white pillars that stuck out above the treetops. It couldn’t be that far, could it? He could make it there before sunrise.

But there was still the matter of getting back down the tree. And after falling onto the museum floor once, he didn’t much like the prospect of repeating the experience.

Jedediah hopped down to a slightly lower branch- one that looked more like it could support his weight-and sat, resting for a moment. He was accustomed to being hoisted into the air, so he wasn’t afraid of heights. The fact that he was this high up in the air didn’t matter nearly as much to him as the fact that he had to get down and get back to the museum all before sunrise.

The branch quivered.

Jedediah got to his feet, hand leaping to the coiled rope by his side. Sitting on the other end of the branch was a creature nearly twice his height, staring down at him with pitch black eyes. The feathers covering its body trembled every time it blinked, and Jedediah was aware of the fact that right now, he looked like a particularly tasty meal.

“Hey, there,” he whispered, taking the coil of rope off its holster and slowly but surely wrapping it around his waist. “Hey, you, birdie.”

The bird blinked again, head twitching to the side. The branch shook as it moved.

“Yeah, you.” Jedediah secured the knot around his waist and knelt down. He tossed the working end of the rope over the side of the branch.

The bird chirped curiously, hopping towards him.

“Oh, no, no, no,” Jedediah cooed, still kneeling. He looked down at the rope, which was draped over the branch away from him, and tugged it around and up. Now he held both sides of the rope that was slung down and around the branch. “Nice birdie, just… fly on away, that’s it.”

The bird chirped again, taking two more hops forward. Jedediah wrapped the working end of the rope twice around his right hand, holding the rope around his waist with his left.

“That’s it, birdie, just fly away-”

The bird leaped forward with a squawk, beak diving down. Jedediah hopped off the branch just in time, the beak narrowly missing his hat. He fell through the air until the rope pulled taut, scraping against his right hand. He swung to the side as the bird tried again, snapping at him where he hung.

“Oh, no, you don’t.” Jedediah aimed a kick at the bird’s head, letting out a little slack. The rope slid through his hand, lowering him ever so slightly further down. Not looking like it was injured in the slightest, the bird jumped off the branch and circled the air before diving straight for him.

Jedediah let go of the rope.

The bird crashed into the tree, shaking leaves off of the branches, and Jedediah fell past two more branches before managing to catch hold of a particularly large leaf, and clutched onto it for dear life. Apparently deciding that Jedediah was more trouble than he was worth, the bird gave one last squawk before taking off into the night.

Relieved beyond measure, Jedediah climbed up the leaf and onto the branch it was growing from. He rolled up the rope in a loose coil, keeping it by his side. Perhaps that was the only way he was going to get down- branch by branch.

Something closed around his waist and he was yanked backwards off the branch, up into the air. Heart racing, Jedediah looked up to see the thing that had taken him- which was, of coure, the same damn bird. It hadn’t forgotten about him at all; it had just been giving him a false sense of security. Cursing himself for not checking his surroundings any further, Jedediah could do nothing but hold onto the bird’s talons as he was lifted higher and higher into the air.

This was it, he realized. The museum was getting further and further away; even if by some  miracle he managed to get back down onto the ground, there was no way he’d be able to reach it in time.

But darn it, he was _not_ getting eaten by a damn bird!

“This is not how Jedediah dies!” he cried, grabbing for the rope with his mercifully free hands. He’d just managed to get the working end fastened around one of the bird’s ankles, leaving most of the rope slack in between them, when-

Something collided with the bird, sending the both of them ricocheting through the sky. The talons released themselves from Jedediah’s waist and he fell, yanking the rope tight as he did so. Unaccustomed to this new weight, the bird chirped in surprise, falling lower to the ground.

“Yehaw!” Jedediah couldn’t help letting out a tradition cowboy battle-cry. “That’s it, birdie, nice and low.” Jedediah yanked on the rope, trying to send the bird back the way he needed to go- towards the museum.

They soared through the air until they were below treetop level, flying above roofs and houses rather than trees. Jedediah climbed up the rope as they flew, until he was back by the bird’s ankle. As they approached the ground, the bird’s descent became much more vertical than horizontal, and its wings began pumping, knocking its feet up and down relentlessly.

“C’mon, c’mon, almost there, Jedediah muttered, scrambling to untie the rope from the bird’s ankle. “Aha!” The rope came free and one particularly jostling pump of the bird’s wings sent him flying to the ground- grass, thank god it was grass- as the bird, now free of its extra weight, swooped back up into the sky.

Lying on the grass, Jedediah watched it fly until he could no longer make out the shape of it, just to be sure.

When he was certain the bird was gone, he got to his feet and wiped off his jacket, then coiled up the rope again.

“And that’s why I ain’t never going to no atrium, tropical birds be damned,” he muttered, walking off into the darkness.

o0O0o

Octavius didn’t make a half bad pilot.

Okay, hitting the bird had been a little problematic, but that wasn’t his fault! It had come out of nowhere, honestly. All black and blending into the night sky and everything. Octavius hadn’t seen it coming- if he had, he would have flown around it, of course, because he was a wonderful pilot; honestly, it was a shame Jedediah always took the wheel in whatever they drove when Octavius was so obviously just as suitable for the job- and so plane and bird had collided, sending both back to earth.

And though he was mostly focused on the fact that the plane was now out of control and, yes, _crashing,_ he could still make out Jedediah’s trademark _yeehaw_ coming from the opposite direction.

Of course. If anyone out there was going to _ride a bird through the sky,_ it would be Jedediah.

Thanking Jupiter that he’d found his cowboy, Octavius memorized the direction Jedediah seemed to be heading, and then turned his focus onto the plane. Which was still careening out of control through the sky, yes, he kept forgetting about that.

Being a miniature plane, the thing didn’t have parachutes. So when it crashed into a tree and was tossed from branch to branch in its descent, Octavius could do nothing but draw his hands over his neck and wait for the thing to stop moving.

When the plane finally fell from the lowest branch and crashed to the ground, Octavius waited for a few moments, just to be sure it wouldn’t move any further. When it didn’t, he crawled out of the side door and onto the grass below, groaning.

The plane itself was wrecked. Absolutely beyond repair. The museum would just have to do without its Aeronca Tail wheel airplane. Come to think of it, would the museum ever have that sort of an item on display? To his knowledge, they didn’t have any sort of aviation section.

Had the Night Guard truly bought that plane purely for them?

Well, in any case, it was ruined now. And while Octavius thanked the stars that he hadn’t been killed in the crash, it couldn’t be any clearer that now he- and Jedediah, when he found his cowboy- were short one ride home.

But of course, Octavius had never been one for giving up. He was a Roman, after all. If he was going to die by sunrise, so be it. But his last hours would be spent searching for his cowboy, dawn be damned.

o0O0o

He had to be close, by now.

Well. He had to be nearly as close as he had been before being sidetracked by that bird, right?

Nope. No, Jedediah was hopelessly lost.

He stopped to rest on a rock in the middle of a well of dirt that looked harmless enough. He could only assume he was in the middle of a park, somewhere. The sky was still dark, but he couldn’t help but notice that the number of stars seemed to slowly be dwindling. He was running out of time, and running out of hope.

The adrenaline that had kicked in since the appearance of the bird had also gone, leaving him more exhausted than he could ever remember being. He laid on his back, trying to catch his breath and work up the energy to move.

A loud croak interrupted his rest and he rolled onto his stomach. A frog about the size of his body was staring at him.

“What?” he asked, wholly unimpressed.

The frog croaked again, not moving.

“Can I help you?” he asked it.

In response, the frog gave another croak.

“Huh. ‘S what I thought.” Jedediah flopped back over onto his back and closed his eyes.

He woke to the feeling of something colliding with his face. Startled, he blinked his eyes open to find that his entire body was covered in water.

“Rain?” he said to himself, looking around and seeing that yes, drops of water were falling from the sky faster than Octavius ran in a chariot race. And God,  just the _thought_ of Octavius made him more homesick than ever. “Rain?” he repeated, looking up to the heavens and spreading his arms wide. “Are you _serious?_ ” The frog appeared to have gone, but the well of dirt surrounding the rock he’d chosen was now full to the brim with water, and filling by the second. How long would it take for the rock to be fully submerged? Minutes? Seconds?

Lord, _he couldn’t swim._

Panicking fully, now, he stood on top of the rock and tried to get his bearings. Was there anything he could hook his rope to? Pull himself to shore? But no, the edge of the dirt well was nothing but grass.

There had to be something he could do.

But before he had another chance to think, he was knocked off the rock and into the water.

“The hell?” Jedediah looked up at the rock and saw- “You traitor!” He shouted at the frog now sitting where he’d stood not a moment before. “You good for nothing snake on stilts! You-ack!” His head dipped under the water and he flailed his arms to keep himself aloft. “I’ll get you for this, I swear- oh, don’t you look at me like that-” His voice was lost to the water as again, he sank below the surface.

_Surrounded by sand, where the slightest move would do nothing but sink him lower, drag his head under, fill his mouth and his throat with the bitter grains. Arms and legs submerged and useless, unable to do anything but wait as the sand rose higher and higher, past his torso, above his shoulders, and up to his neck-_

Thrashing under the water, Jedediah fought the images of his time in the hourglass away, trying desperately to stay afloat and doing nothing but filling his lungs with water-

“ _Jedediah!_ ”

“Octy…”

He didn’t question why he was hearing Octavius’s voice, instead trying to reach for it as he fell entirely under the water. He screwed his eyes shut as he was unable to keep himself above the surface. It seemed fitting, almost, because he’d always imagined dying at Octavius’s hand- feared dying at Octavius’s hand- a thousand times. And here he was, about to die with Octavius’s name the only thing running through his mind.

A firm hand grasped his wrist, tugging upwards, and Jedediah surrendered.

o0O0o

Gods, no.

Octavius dragged the unconscious Jedediah out of the puddle and away to safety, below a bush and onto the dry grass. Jedediah lay motionless below him, completely soaked and that damnable hat somehow still atop his head. Octavius wrenched off his helmet and pressed his ear to Jedediah’s mouth, desperately.

He wasn’t breathing.

“Come on, Jedediah, you’re stronger than that,” he muttered, scrambling to get behind his cowboy. He propped Jedediah up against the center of the bush and, apologizing mentally in advance, brought his hand down as hard as he could upon his back.

Jedediah sat up violently, coughing. Water streamed from his mouth onto the dirt below them as he retched and hacked, eventually settling on taking shuddering gasps.

“Oh, thank the gods.”

Octavius rushed to his side and held him around the middle, just listening to the sound of his breathing. And after just a second without that sound, he realized how much he’d taken it for granted.

“Oc… Octy?” Jedediah mumbled, leaning back against the bush. “But.” He paused for a second, taking a couple deep breaths. “How did you find me? How- how are you even _here?_ ”

Octavius didn’t answer him. He crawled on top of his cowboy until he was straddling him and pulled him in for a kiss, knowing it may very well be one of the last chances he’d have. Surprised, Jedediah kissed him back. After a few moments, they both pulled away for air. Octavius rested his head upon Jedediah’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“Woah, hey, what’s gotten into you?” Jedediah asked, quietly. Head still on his chest, Octavius didn’t even look up at him.

After a moment or two of listening to the steady _thuds_ that meant that Jedediah indeed was here, breathing, alive, Octavius answered. His voice was low, thick with relief. “I thought I’d lost you.”

“Oh.” And then- “ _Oh._ ”

“I heard you crying out, and the splashing,” Octavius explained, sitting up. “How do you not know how to swim, Jedediah? Honestly.”

“I live in the sand, not in the swamp,” Jedediah defended, before bending over and coughing again. Octavius slipped off of his cowboy and sat cross legged in the dirt beside him. “So, go back to the part of _how did you get here?_ ”

“Ah, yes.” A pause. “I flew.”

“You flew? Like, what, just.” Jedediah spread his arms. “Flew?”

“No, you- no, I flew the plane.”

Jedediah lit up like a million suns. Octavius took a moment to memorize his face.

“ _You._ Flew the plane.”

“Yes, I did.” And Octavius didn’t bother to hide the hint of pride behind his words. “Yes, I flew the plane.”

“That’s- Octy, that’s amazing! You brought the plane!”

And to think Octavius had thought he’d never get to hear Jedediah call him that ever again.

“Where is it?” Jedediah asked, looking around the bush as if it were just around the corner.

“Ah, yes, well.” Octavius coughed.

“Well? Well what?” Jedediah frowned. When Octavius didn’t answer, his lit up expression crumbled. He groaned, head falling back against the bush again.“You crashed the plane.”

“ _I_ didn’t crash it, the bird did.”

“You hit a _bird?_ ”

“The bird hit me!”

“You hit a bird. I don’t believe this.” Jedediah eyed him shrewdly. “I am _never_ letting you drive again.”

“You were the one _riding the bird._ ”

“Yeah, well, at least I didn’t _crash it._ ” Jedediah suddenly shivered, hugging his arms around his body.

“Are you all right?” Octavius demanded, kneeling by his side, all anger forgotten.

“Yeah, yeah, m’fine. Just cold.” Jedediah shivered again. “And wet.”

They looked outside the bush, where the rain didn’t look like it was going to let up anytime soon. The bush provided enough shelter that they were dry, but both of them knew that they couldn’t stay there forever. Already, the edges of the sky were beginning to turn pink.

“We have to go,” Jedediah said, speaking what they were both thinking. Octavius nodded wordlessly, standing and leaning over to help his cowboy stand as well. Jedediah took his hands as Octavius pulled, bringing him to his feet.

“Here, I’ll help,” Octavius said, pulling Jedediah’s arm over his neck. “Come, I know the way.”

They took two steps forward before Jedediah’s legs lost whatever use they’d retained, and he collapsed to the ground. Octavius was over him in an instant.

“Are you all right?” he demanded. “Jedediah-”

Shivering, Jedediah nodded. “M’fine. Just- I can’t- walking is hard,” he managed, still shivering.

“We’ll get you out of here, I swear it,” Octavius promised, getting to his side and heaving him up to his feet again. “Even If I have to carry you.”

Jedediah gave a humorless laugh. “You might have to, Octy.” Octavius moved to hold him bridal style, with one hand under Jedediah’s legs and the other under his back, but Jedediah interrupted him. “Stop.”

“Never.” Octavius shook his head. “We are going home, Jedediah.”

“We can’t.” Jedediah looked up at the horizon, which was glowing with a hurriedly reddening pink. “Look at the sky, Octy. We won’t make it in time, you know that.”

“We cannot give up,” Octavius pressed, gathering Jedediah in his arms. “Not even when the situation appears helpless.”

“It _is_ helpless.” Jedediah sighed. “Octy, we’re too far away. Even if we knew where the museum was-”

“I do.”

“Even so. We don’t have the time to get there.”

“We still have to try.” Octavius began walking to the edge of the bush, outside of which was the pouring rain.

“We don’t.” Jedediah brought his arms around Octavius’s neck. “We could just… stay here.”

“We’ll turn to dust at dawn,” Octavius protested.

“Maybe.” Jedediah shrugged. “But we’d… we’d be together, wouldn’t we?”

“Oh.” Octavius sank to his knees in the dirt, setting Jedediah down. His cowboy, though unable to walk or stand, could at least still sit up. Octavius supported him with an arm around his back. “You’d rather die together in peace?” he asked, softly.

“Octy, listen.” Octavius took Jeddiah’s hands in his own, holding them carefully, as if they were the most precious treasures in all the world.  “I’m…” Jedediah sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Octavius repeated, frowning. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

Jedediah glanced at the horizon before continuing. “I’m sorry I wasted all that time fighting with you.”

“Jupiter, no,” Octavius said, bringing their hands together. “Don’t waste your last breaths on that, Jedediah. You know I am as sorry as you are for that, don’t you dare take that blame upon yourself.”

“Are you interrupting my last words?”

“No, I-”

“You were interrupting my last words.”

“Jedediah.”

“You did this last time, too, you know- back in DC.” Jedediah kept looking between the now red horizon and Octavius, judging how much time they had left. They probably had a little over five minutes left. “But that was when you were coming back to save my life.”

“Yes, Octavius remembered, nodding and bringing a hand up to Jedediah’s face. “And I’m sorry I could not save you today.”

“S’okay,” Jedediah mumbled. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

And as the impending light of dawn turned the sky from red to orange, Jedediah pulled Octavius down for a kiss- what was to be their last, their last moment, last embrace, last shared-

Something prodded Octavius’s side. Reluctantly, he pulled away from Jedediah to see an enormous insect towering over him silently. It was bigger than the both of them, and covered in a black exoskeleton that began to shine in the morning light. Rising atop its head were two gigantic horns, which looked threateningly sharp.

Jedediah glowered at it.

“Do you mind?” he snapped at it, frowning.

The beetle clicked its mouth pieces together, looking at the two of them.

“Do you think it’s gonna kill us?”

“I… am unsure.”

The beetle crept closer- really, the thing was _enormous._ Bigger even than the frog had been- though that frog had been relatively small. If it wanted, it looked like it could bash them to death with those horns alone.

“Octy,” Jedediah said, beginning to panic just a little.

Octavius drew out his sword, and the beetle scooted back. He sheathed it, and the insect began creeping forward again.

“I don’t think it’s dangerous,” Octavius concluded, and turned to the beetle. “Uh- hello,” he greeted.

The beetle looked at him silently. And then, inexplicably, Octavius had an idea. He walked up to the thing carefully, and gingerly touched its right horn.

The beetle didn’t move.

Octavius pulled on the horn and, kicking off from the ground, landed atop the beast. The beetle didn’t even appear to mind the extra weight. On the contrary, it shuffled about happily, walking towards Jedediah with Octavius atop it.

“Octy, what in the hell are you doing?”

“Jedediah,” Octavius said, beaming down at him. “Oh, my Jedediah. _We are going home.”_

o0O0o

“What? What do you mean, he’s gone?” Larry peered down at the cowboy miniatures, eyes wide. “He can’t have just _left._ ”

“Took off!” one of the cowboys said. “Just got out that plane of theirs and flew away.”

“He- he took the plane?” Larry groaned to himself, looking behind at the open window. “Wait a minute, how did that even get open? I closed that- I _locked that shut._ ”

Dexter nudged his leg sheepishly.

“You- I don’t believe it.” Larry looked back at the cowboys. “Well, where’d he go?”

“Didn’t say,” another one said, shrugging. “He just left.”

“Oh, great. That’s just-” Larry looked out the window at the horizon, which was brightening by the second. “He’ll die out there,” he said to himself. “He- why would he do that?”

“Said he had to find ol’ Jedediah,” the first cowboy that had spoken said, shaking his head. “Sorta sweet, ain’t it?”

“He’ll _die,_ ” Larry shouted, looking back at the window. “Do you not get that? Poof! Dust! He’ll be gone.”

“Don’t think he’d have wanted to be here without Jedediah,” said the second cowboy, sadly. “Poor guy. Wish I had someone like that.”

There was nothing he could do.

Two of the museum’s best people were going to die, now- one of them might have been dead from the beginning, he had no idea- and all because of a mother who couldn’t keep better control of her kid.

“Damn it,” he muttered, shutting his eyes. _“Damn it!”_ He pounded a foot on the floor, putting his head in his hands.

“Partner?” one of the cowboys asked, quietly.

“Sorry, it’s. Sorry.” Larry shook his head, wiping his hand over his eyes. “I’ll make sure- that won’t happen again. I’ll. I’ll do better next time.”

“It’s all right,” another one said, and Larry watched as the lot of them pulled off their hats and put them to their chests. “We’ll remember them.”

“As will we,” a chorus of voices sounded, from the Roman exhibit. Larry turned to see the rows of Roman soldiers all holding their helmets to their chests, looking up at him. “We will always remember our greatest leader, and the cherished cowboy by his side.”

“Yeah.” Larry nodded. “We will.”

He walked to the window and slid it shut.

o0O0o

“Up there!” Octavius cried, as the beetle flew across the park towards the towering museum. “It’s there- hurry, my friend, we haven’t much time.”

Whether or not the beetle understood him was anyone’s guess, but they seemed to soar across the grass even faster, as Octavius and Jedediah clutched its horns. The sky was getting lighter by the second now, colors beginning to burst. The red had exploded into bright orange, which in turn was melting into yellow.

“How are we gonna get in?” Jedediah roared over the wind that rushed past them. “The doors ain’t open!”

“We’ll get in the way I left- through the window,” Octavius replied, pointing. The beetle rose through the air towards his instruction. The white marble of the building was thrown into color now, nearly blinding them. “Just up- oh, no.”

“What? What is it?” Jedediah, who had been largely trying to lie down during the flight because of the effort it took to remain upright, looked up at Octavius. “What’s wrong?”

But Octavius didn’t have to say anything. The beetle hovered by the sheet of glass in front of them, which had been pulled shut. There was no way to open it from the outside; they were stuck.

The beetle slammed forward into the glass.

“My friend,” Octavius called to it, clinging tighter than ever to its horns. “Thank you for your kind favors, but I’m afraid there is nothing more you can do.”

The beetle rammed forward again.

“Octy.”

Octavius looked down at Jedediah, who was staring at the horizon, unable to tear his eyes away. Octavius looked too.

The tips of the trees were cast into light, now.

“Octy, it’s beautiful.”

The beetle tried once more, running headfirst into the window.

Octavius’s hand found Jedediah’s.

“Jedediah, I-”

But whatever it was, Jedediah never found out. For at that exact moment, the window was pulled open and a furry hand wrenched the three of them inside. With its two passengers dislodged, the beetle promptly took to the air again, seeming to float out the window. The sound of wood slamming down let them know that the window had closed again.

Dexter leapt from the window over to the Roman diorama exhibit and set the two miniatures down, looking curiously at them. The Roman helped the cowboy to stand, an arm wrapped around his waist.

“Jedediah,” Octavius said again, ignoring the crowds of cowboys and Romans that were cheering behind them. He slid his other arm around Jedediah’s waist as well, bringing him closer still.

“Octy,” Jedediah replied, sagging in his arms.

And as their mouths found one another for what would decidedly _not_ be the last time, the sweet kiss of sunlight rose to meet them.

o0O0o

“Miss! Miss, could you- could you hold on for a second?”

“Excuse me?”

Panting, Larry ran up to the woman and child that had decided to return.

“Oh, I remember you,” the woman said coolly. “You’re that security guard who ran into me yesterday, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Larry said. “But that’s- that doesn’t matter. Look, I think your daughter took something from the museum yesterday, and it’s really, really important that we get it back.”

The woman looked down at her daughter angrily.

“Yes, she did.”

Larry sagged in relief.

“That’s great. Um, can I have it?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m afraid I threw it away.” The woman didn’t look particularly sorry at all.

“You…” Larry blinked a few times, staring at the woman. She raised an eyebrow. “You _threw him away?_ ”

“Grubby little thing. She picked it up off the ground.”

“I need him back, do you-”

“My trash was picked up this morning.”

Of course, it had to be Monday. Larry resisted the urge to shout absolute abuse at this woman and instead clenched his hands at his fists.

“Can you tell me where you have your trash delivered?” he asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

“Sir, is this really necessary?”

“Yes, it is.” He crossed his arms. “That was museum property, and unless you do as I say, I’m going to have to take you in on grounds of robbery.” In all honesty, the woman looked like she could probably take him in a fight- but after all, he was armed with his flashlight. Nothing was getting past him.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” a slimy British voice interrupted, and Larry almost bit his tongue off. “Daley. I need to speak with you. _Now._ ” Dr. McPhee approached them, crossing his arms and giving a look that could not have carried off the air of _you’re in trouble_ any more clearly if it tried.

“But sir,” Larry protested, “this woman- her daughter took that missing miniature I was telling you about yesterday-”

“Oh.” McPhee looked first at the woman and then back at Larry. “Well, there’s that mystery solved, then. Now, as I was saying-”

“ _Sir!_ ”

“I pay you to be a night guard here, not to harass the patrons,” McPhee snapped, then turned to the woman. “I’m so sorry, madam,” he said, smiling sweetly. “You and your daughter have done nothing wrong- please, enjoy the museum.”

The woman huffed, dragging her daughter by the wrist into the crowd, and was gone from Larry’s sight.

“Now, then,” McPhee said, turning back to Larry and glaring.

“Is there… something the matter?” Larry asked, feeling like he knew exactly what he was about to hear.

 “ _Something the matter?_ ” McPhee mocked, rolling his eyes. “No more playing dumb, Daley. You’ve got about-” he glanced at his watch- “fifteen seconds to explain.”

“Explain? Explain what?”

 “Oh, well, since you’re so _mystified_ ,” McPhee said, tucking his hands behind his back, “then why don’t I show you?”

Dr. McPhee led him through the hallways and up towards the Miniatures Room, and Larry knew before he even walked through the doors what he was about to see. Perhaps one missing figure wasn’t a problem, but two? And then there was the matter of the rest of the cowboys and Romans- without their leaders, there was no telling what they’d have gotten up to- God, how could he have forgotten? Octavius and Jedediah had usually kept things in control; he hadn’t spared a thought to the miniatures room, and now it was probably-

“There.”

Larry squinted. Both the dioramas were in perfect condition. The cowboys were all around the train, either helping blow up the mountainside or working to build the tracks; and the Romans were all in their battle formations.

“I… don’t see anything.”

“Oh, don’t you? Why don’t you take a closer look, then?”

“Sir, I really don’t see anything, I don’t know what you’re talking ab-”

Larry saw.

“Oh, so you see _now,_ do you?” Dr. McPhee chastised, but Larry was too busy feeling a mixture of secondhand embarrassment for the two figures that were frozen in time together, locked in what was unmistakably a lover’s embrace- and did the miniature figures really have so much detail that their designers had actually included _tongues-_ along with relief and incredulity that the both of them were back where they belonged and not piles of dust.

“Is there a problem, Dr. McPhee?” he asked, coolly.

“Yes, as a matter of fact.” The museum owner crossed his arms.

“Well, I don’t see that there is.” Larry frowned.

“Are you- are you actually joking?”

Larry shook his head.

“These guys lived ten thousand years apart-”

“Actually it was more like two thousand years-”

“-and you’re telling me that it would be _completely plausible_ for them to have not only met each other-”

“Oh!” Larry clapped his hands together, turning red. “Yes, sir, of course. No, yes, I understand.” He held up his hands. “Sorry, I misunderstood. Yes, no, I get it.” He coughed.

“Thought it’d be funny, did you?”

“No!” Larry shook his head. “Look, I’ll just- move them.” Awkwardly, he picked up the now plastic figurines of Jedediah and Octavius and tried to tug them apart. “Ha, just- just a sec,” he muttered, as the figurine’s arms refused to budge from where they were locked around each other.

McPhee tapped his foot.

“You know, I think- my son must have done this. I mean, I bring him into work sometimes, you know how children are…” He laughed nervously. “Must have, uh, glued them together.”

“Then I suggest you talk to your son about tampering with museum property,” McPhee snapped. “And un-glue his mind from… doing it again.”

“Yes, sir.” Larry nodded. “I’ll be sure to have a talk.” With Nicky? No. With Jed and Octavius? Yes. Yes, he was definitely going to ‘have a talk.’

“See that you do.”

“Yes.”

McPhee nodded. Larry blinked.

“Right, well,” he said, holding up the two figures. “I’m just going to- take this into the back room, see if I can’t, uh, untangle them.”

“Yes, right.” McPhee nodded again, seemingly satisfied. “Oi, you there! _Behind the roped line,_ you- do you not understand the purpose of a rope in a museum?” And with that, McPhee strode off, ready to chastise whichever poor child had happened to cross his line of sight.

With McPhee gone, Larry looked down more closely at the two figurines in his hand. Both Octavius’s helmet and Jedediah’s hat were gone, and it took little more than a glance at the diorama to deduce that they’d fallen off. Probably because the two tiny men’s hands were in each other’s hair.

He peered over the Roman diorama and, finding one structure that was nearly hidden in the corner, pried off the ceiling from its set of stone columns. Gingerly, he placed the two of them down and then set the ceiling back in its place.

After all, they deserved a night of privacy.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Fortes_ : Strong
> 
> woooooooooo wow why did I write this ahah
> 
> hope you enjoyed this cheese wheel as much as I enjoyed writing it- no beta, so all typos/mistakes are mine
> 
> and as always, leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed; thanks for reading!!


End file.
